Team Pink

If it seems like I haven't been around much the past couple of months, it's because I painted myself into a bit of a corner by mentioning IVF.

Much as I love my longtime readers (luff you), a good number of you know more or less who I am in real life, so I straddle that weird line of internet pseudo-anonymity, within a certain infinitesimally small circle.

Basically what I am saying is, our IVF cycle was successful, and I didn't want people in real life to know until we hit the second trimester.  Because when you go through infertility, it is next to impossible to just sit back and assume that everything's going to go all right from here, that you get to keep this wonderful change in your world.

We hit the second trimester a week ago.  We're having a girl.  We're unspeakably excited.

We found out it was a girl on Monday, and yes, that's pretty damn early.  This was thanks to a test called Panorama, type of NIPT (noninvasive prenatal test) that is slowly but surely becoming more widely used in prenatal care, although for the most part they're still not covered by insurance if you're under 35.  These tests look for various potential chromosomal issues -- the Trisomies, various micro-deletions, and in Panorama's case, triploidy -- including assessing the sex chromosomes.

We got Panorama not because we were in high risk categories, but because (here comes more of my entitled feeling toward healthcare) we felt we deserved to know.  Because when you go through infertility, it is next to impossible to just sit back and assume that everything's going to go all right from here, that you get to keep this wonderful change in your world.

So we know, not based on an sonographer's say-so, but on DNA, that we're having a little we nymph with two X chromosomes.

Our first anatomy scan is coming up in mid-late May, and hopefully that shows everything continuing apace.   I can't quite let myself settle into that idea.  The closer it gets, the more afraid I am.  Because when you go through infertility, it is next to impossible to just sit back and assume that everything's going to go all right from here, that you get to keep this wonderful change in your world.

In the meantime, I have a lot of thinking to do about this girl.  Knowing my family at large, and especially my in-laws, I've got to do a lot of thinking about how to talk about and healthily live in body and food.  Knowing me, I've got to do a lot of thinking about how to model assertiveness and confidence.  Knowing about the world at large, I've got to do a lot of thinking about... a lot.

But first I gotta go buy some pink stuff*, and hope to hell everything's going to go all right from here, that I get to keep this wonderful change in my world.


*she said, appalled at herself, for truly, she totally had a unisex nursery planned either way, she swears.  It's just... pink!