Relapse, Recovery, Rewind

I don't check in over at PostSecret much, but I did this week, and lo and behold. I don't know at all that this sender has an eating disorder as opposed to, say, an illness that requires habitual treatment with steroids or an antipsychotic that causes weight gain, etc. But I can imagine. And this week, after the last two and a half months, after travel and funerals and holidays and the attendant changes of sceneries and plans and foods, I can imagine very well. Tonight was my first normal day in a while when conditions produced a perfect storm of ordinary circumstance and ordinary behavior. Just a normal work day, no holidays, funerals, trips out of town, or odd errands - and "normal" behavior, absolutely, abnormally on purpose. I feel nauseous, panicky, irritable, and trapped. And this is after one day. Of mostly normal behavior. This is what I intellectually knew would happen if I decided to relapse, and what I disorderedly decided wouldn't happen if I just happened to relapse. Because the excruciating process of recovery is the NUMBER ONE THING on any good anorexic's or bulimic's list of "Why I Don't Want to Relapse." The sad thing is, looking back over the past year, I'm not sure I can pick out any other options than "relapse" as comfortable coping mechanisms for what a shit storm 2009 was. The more that I think about it, I think I will definitely retract the last post's invitation to 2010 to "bring it on."


A friendly reminder from your neighborhood Nymph: This blog is basically semi-anonymous (to borrow a phrase from a friend). If you see me about using something other than my first name or nickname (say, on Facebook), please bear in mind that while I don't exactly go to great pains to distinguish Cynical Nymph from my other online presences, I don't go trumpeting the blog name about, either. That being said, would y'all do me a quick favor and toss this up on Facebook, Twitter, your blogs, etc.? It's an interesting perspective and deserves to be discussed more widely. (Why, for instance, the HuffPo didn't publish it, I dunno, BEFORE the holidays leaves one scratching one's head.)


Funeral Food, Holiday Food, Food Talk

2010 is already on my shit list. I got a jury summons... for my birthday. This calls for a flaming bag of poop on a doorstep.

I'm around, but just barely. My Nana passed away last Sunday so I was in Atlanta for the better part of a week and have been scrambling to get ready for Christmas and hosting the husband's and my parents.

The Southern funeral process involves a lot of fried food, in case you didn't know, and minimal fruits and vegetables, so I got stereotypically and appropriately freaked out about that. I also got to hear various family members telling me I ought to be "fattened up," which is just... people, that is the opposite of helpful. Getting "fattened up" is exactly what people with eating disorders are horrified might happen if they break their food rituals or take in a complete complement of nutrients. There's minimal difference in an ED patient's mind between being "fattened up" and "putting on incidental weight because one is taking in enough calories and one's body is re-attaining its natural set point." Funeral food combined with other stresses combined with upcoming holiday food equals CN Becomes A Little Ball Of Crazy. It's either hilarious or totally irritating, depending on whether you know me and/or care about me.

Anyway, so that's your tip for the holiday season: don't tell someone who's recently lost weight that they need to be "fattened up." You might be driving them to do exactly the opposite.

2010, bring it on. I guess. Or don't.


Cracked. Yes, Really. Cracked.

It's a bit off-topic for my little blawg here, but I have an important article from Yup. Cracked.

"... It's the implication that in each crazy person, good mental health is lurking about one-inch beneath the surface, ready to be cured in a couple of days. So when somebody raised on these movies actually runs into an actual mentally ill person, they can't help but wonder why they don't just get over it already..."

I love Cracked's lists. They crack me up. But let's be honest: they usually don't have much redeeming value to them. This one, shockingly, does. I know - I couldn't believe it either.