The Irony Here Is Like Stale Chocolate Cake

Yesterday I had a bad day. As in, a Bad Day. As in, yesterday sucked ostrich eggs. I made the mistake of getting on the scale the morning after a long weekend away and off my "routine." Usually I give my body at least two days to settle down from the extra salt, stress, etc. of going away. For some reason I decided yesterday morning would be a fine time for a reality check. The number terrified me. So - though I realized the absolutely farcical nature of having a number on the scale that is lower than it was two months ago in the first place - between that number and the weekend with the in-laws whose favorite pastime is to nag at my husband about his weight and what he eats, I proceeded to swan dive into a Bad Day.

And then I got this email, and everything felt a little, well, ridiculous. And hilarious.

Hi there,

My name is Amanda, and I’m with (I am not giving this shitty company free publicity), a marketing agency based in Los Angeles. I stumbled across your website and wanted to invite you to join our online review team for a product called (Ditto for their shitty product). As a busy [woman or mom] (LOL! Oh my Quantum Field!* At least make the one tiny change in your form letter, you lazy asshat. Also: why are they implying that one cannot be both a woman *and* a mother? When you become one does that automatically preclude your being the other? What is the IQ of the person who wrote this email? That is not a rhetorical question.) who has a lot on your plate, we wanted to see if (Shitty Product) may(you need a space here, dear)be something that can help you in your fitness and weight-loss goals.

We’d love to send you a FREE 3-month (Shitty Product) Starter Kit (a $197 value) to review and hope you will share your thoughts and experiences with your readers. We also will give you a unique code that will allow your readers to get a (Shitty Product) Trial Kit FREE for 60-days (that does NOT have a hyphen, OMQF, read your AP Style Guide). In addition, we will be running a contest where the site that has the highest number of trials will win some great prizes!

Please let me know if you are interested and I will follow up soon with more details about the campaign and prizing opportunity. We’d love to have your influential voice included. Thanks for taking the time to consider this opportunity – looking forward to hearing back from you!

Take care,

Amanda

I mean, we all know that the lazier (and larger) group of Internet marketers does not actually read the bloggers whom they contact. But come ON. Who DOES that? Who emails an eating disorder recovery blogger about a weight loss product? The irony, it burns. Burns, I tell you. It also tickles. When I got this I laaaughed and laughed and laughed. And then I decided that today was going to be a Good Day. So here we go...

* Nontheist for "OMG." Credit goes to the illustrious Marielle.