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1/20/2008

How to Give Yourself an At-Home Brazilian Wax*

*This gets a little graphic, depending on your boundaries (i.e., if you have a problem reading the correct names of girly bits). You have been warned.

PART THE FIRST: WHY
1. Look at the stock market and all the Op-Ed articles talking about unemployment rates, plummeting retail numbers, and all the foreign capital buying America.
2. Realize that, maybe, you should save the $80-plus-tip and give yourself the Brazilian that you so desperately need. (Your Vagina: "Hello? Is anybody there? I can't see. Helloooo? Hm. It's dark in here.")

PART DEUX: WHAT
1. Buy some Sally Hansen Extra Strength Brazilian Bikini Waxing and Shaping Kit (with No Mistakes Mirror) ($10.99)
2. Grab your spiffy Tweezerman tweezers (already purchased: $20)

PART THREE: HOW
1. Read directions. Remember especially to a) always put the wax on in the direction of hair growth - remember that in certain areas hair grows more than one way, b) not work in sections of more than 2 inches at a time, and c) work from the outside in.
2. Start at the outside, toward the back, with an appropriately-sized two inch region. Apply wax. Allow to cool to just the right consistency, then remove, quickly, against the hair growth.
3. Congratulate self on what a quick, clean job you did. Note that you don't know what you were doing wrong last time you tried this with a more expensive product, because that time you didn't even make it beyond the basic bikini line.
4. Continue with a second small region, then a third. Tweeze the stragglers as you progress. Realize you are possibly the best self-waxer ever, and should probably write on contract for Marie Claire and Glamour, because you obviously have a lot to offer.

PART FOUR: HUBRIS. IT GETS YOU EVERY TIME.
1. About half way through your right side, realize you are getting to a tricky part.
2. Choose this juncture to slather on too much wax, so that you accidentally put it on against the hair growth, over a large area, where the hair grows every which way.
3. Try to remove the wax strip. Try again. Try again. Start to cry a little, thinking about living the rest of your life as That Chick Who Got Sally Hansen Bikini Wax Permanently Glued to Her Vajayjay. Realize that you could probably get on Oprah or something, to warn other of the hazards of self-waxing.
4. Get your thumb nail caught on the top of the still-not-cooled wax while trying to pry if off for a fifth time.
5. Spend the next five minutes tugging up the wax in sixteenth-of-a-centimeter bits of progress. Genuinely ponder how likely it is that you might seriously maim yourself.
6. Finally get the godforsaken gob of wax OFF. Notice that, despite what you thought, it is apparently possible to give yourself a labial hematoma.

PART FIVE: HALFWAY THERE.
1. Realize that the wax has congealed to something resembling Nutella. Evil Nutella.
2. Straighten up from your weird hunched-yet-standing position to reheat the wax. Realize that your neck and back are now permanently stuck in a shape that resembles Quasimodo.
3. Return from the microwave and glance in your No Mistakes Mirror.
4. Realize that you did your genetically less hairy side first.
5. Wonder if you could rock an '80's-style half-short-half-long hairstyle... down there.
6. Realize you just... can't. Not matter how much you'd like to. Cry.

PART SIX: DELIRIUM
1. When your spouse inquires, tell him that you are, despite what it sounds like, not committing hara-kiri.
2. Ask your spouse whether there is possibly some vodka or other hard liquor in the house.
3. Unleash at string of colorful curses when he tells you, "No."
4. As you progress on your second, more daunting side, convince yourself that every little bump or blemish you see is probably vulvar cancer, and you are probably dying. Then realize your tumor is actually a spec of wax, or a spot of skin irritated by all the tugging and paiiiiiiiin.
5. Admit to yourself that no matter how flowery the idea of natural childbirth is (when the time eventually comes), you are not cut out for it.
6. Reheat the damn wax again, OMFG.
7. Daydream about becoming a professional waxer, but only taking appointments from women whom you know... and hate.
8. Resolve to tip your usual waxer, Ninetta, 50% next time you go. (Instead of 20. Not that you ever tip less than 20%. Because only assholes do that. In New York, at least.)

PART SEVEN: SWEET, SWEET RELEASE
1. Take off the last strip of hair. Stand there in the kind of unbelievable relief probably only felt previously by, say, POWs upon their release from captivity. Or by other women who have been boneheaded enough to attempt this self-Brazilian thing.
2. Feel a surge of pride at the fact that you actually. gave. yourself. a full. Brazilian. wax.
3. Realize that you have probably just ruined your twenty dollar ($20) Tweezerman tweezers, because the wax, she is not coming off.
4. Leave the bathroom and beeline for the kitchen. Glance at the stove clock and realize that you were at it for an hour and a half OMG.
5. Pour yourself a large glass of wine. Emphasis: Large.
6. As you walk, realize that your entire genital area is... well... numb. Pray to God that this is not permanent.
7. Invent a time machine. Go back in time to yesterday. Make an appointment with Ninetta. Pay her the $80 + 50% tip (because now you know how much she truly, truly deserves it). Avoid the whole At Home Self Brazilian charade.


Post Script (October 2012):
You know what I've JUST FOUND OUT?  After ALMOST FIVE YEARS of doing this?  (Yeah, I never bit the fiduciary bullet and went pro again.)  If you let the wax cool ~just enough~ but ~not too much~, the pain factor reduces by at least half.   With the Sally Hansen wax, I'd ballpark this point at "when the wax is still warm and malleable under your fingertips, but no longer makes an effort to attach itself to your fingernails."  Sorry, that's probably not very helpful.

Also, the post-wax oil?  Use it on your fingers and nails during waxing to keep the wax from sticking to them.


Post Post Script (Updated October 2012):
I hope you found this post educational, or at the very least, entertaining; it was certainly fun to write, if not so fun to research.  It is, however, a departure from my normal focuses on this blog.  Check out the Who, Why, What, and Where pages above to read more about what the blog is usually about.  I hope you stick around!

154 comments:

  1. I just found your blog through a comment on the Bloggess, and I'm somewhat confused. Your blog is hilarious, well-written and, from what I've read, obviously worthy of much blog-love. But you seem to have few or no comments on most of your posts. What's wrong with your readers? I'm adding you to the list of blogs I read, and I'll check back again.
    And by the way, I once made the mistake of giving myself an at-home brazilian and will NEVER do it again. I completely sympathize.

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  2. bwah ha ha ha haaaaaaa....this is funny.

    Sorry I am so amused by your pain.

    Have an extra-large glass of wine, on me. :D

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  3. i so feel your pain...no really, i do:

    http://biddysworld.blogspot.com/2006/08/what-was-i-thinking.html

    i love my $40 brazillian waxer

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  4. Oh girl. I'm having a major case of the Schadenfreudes here. Ow. Hee hee! Ow.

    I agree w/newduck...you deserve far more commentary!

    I've never had a Brazilian wax, and now I'm feeling about 100% certain that I never will. Not unless there's heavy sedation involved. Heavy sedation + 2 very large margaritas, possibly some sort of light coma. Truth.

    Dr. Ding

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  5. Oh girl. I'm having a major case of the Schadenfreudes here. Ow. Hee hee! Ow.

    I agree w/newduck...you deserve far more commentary!

    I've never had a Brazilian wax, and now I'm feeling about 100% certain that I never will. Not unless there's heavy sedation involved. Heavy sedation + 2 very large margaritas, possibly some sort of light coma. Truth.

    Dr. Ding

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  6. I am soooo linking to this on my blog--I was laughing out loud at work!

    BTW, ouch.

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  7. Holy sheeeeot! I tried to wax myself once and didn't have the guts to do a clean and quick PULL! I had to sit in a hot tub to try to get the wax to dissolve without removing all my skin straight down to the pubic bone. YEEEEOOWWCH!

    It's all very funny until it happens to you!

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  8. Oh my goodness, you have so, totally convinced me NOT to do this myself, EVER. BUT is it tolerable if you have it done professionally?

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    Replies
    1. Yeah it's a lot better when someone else does it, especially because:
      a) they have experience
      b) they don't feel the pain, so they do it quickly without crying, like you would.

      Trust me, it hurts like hell and feels like an eternity when you do it on your own!

      Delete
  9. This is, hands down, the funniest thing I've read in a long time. Sorry it had to come at some expense to you and your lady parts.

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  10. I'm going to agree with the others about you deserving much more praise for your writing. I roamed over from the Trenches of Mommyhood and this made my night. I'll be back.

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  11. Laser Hair Removal-I can't recommend it enough. I started my treatment after my first and last Brazillian. Sweet mother of God-those suckers hurt!

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  12. oh my god...it's SOOOO worth the money!! i could NEVER try it at home!

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  13. I just came over from In the Trenches of Mommyhood. That is HILARIOUS! My legs are still crossed.

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  14. That is the funniest and most horrifying thing I've read in a long time. I involuntarily clenched my legs closed.

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  15. I would just like to add:

    a) Thank you for all the love. And sympathy.

    b) STUBBLE. I ALREADY SEE STUBBLE. NOT COOL. NOT COOL AT ALLLLLLLLL.

    You ladies are the best.

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  16. I second laser hair removal. I got my bikini line done (not brazilian... but nice not to have to shave!)

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  17. I did this, too! About five years ago with some bliss wax.

    The phone rang, and in the time it took me to tell my husband to tell my mother I'd call her back - it was stuck.

    Horrible, horrible, horrible. Horrible. Horrible. I can't stop typing horrible.

    Anyhoo, I'm sorry for your pain, but since it's over thanks for sharing so we can all laugh about it together. :)

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  18. LMAO!!

    I found you through Caffeine Court and I'm so glad. You deserved that award so much.


    Feedburning you!

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  19. Hysterical yet disturbing! I actually enjoy getting my eyebrows waxed. Maybe I'm a candidate? Or maybe just a masochist.

    Here by way of In the Trenches of Mommyhood. I'll be back.

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  20. Oh.My.God.

    I laughed so hard there were literally tears coming out.

    Found you through the Caffeine Court and I WILL be back!

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  21. Amazing post. Scarily familiar....

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  22. Umm, can I say, been there, done that....

    Ouch!

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  23. It's not really nice of me to laugh at someone else's pain, but holy god, this was funny.

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  24. I've never even had a Brazillian...I'm not a particularly hairy person so I can usually keep the area relatively groomed.

    Found you from CC's slammin' post award (mine is the having to pee one). Going to go browse around more (I've had comments like newduck's on my blog...for some reason I don't get a ton of comments either, despite decent numbers. Ohh well!)

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  25. I'm very glad you didn't end up with a Vaginal Mullet.
    oh and...OUCH!
    one more thing...Nair?
    xoxo

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  26. your blog gave me a good laugh. i guess if i've never gotten a brazilian before i shouldn't try to do it myself. but i'm such a DIY-er that i can't help but entertain the idea. my friend who gets them done says DONT DO IT! based on your post it seems it's better to get it done professionally. thanks!

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  27. I'm in the middle of one of these at-home events. I'm taking a break because I damn well need one!
    Hats (hairs?!) off to you for making me laugh. This endorphin rush from the pain is nice, though! YAY!

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  28. Ok, this is my motivation to continue to pay $65 plus tip...

    I mean, $65 is not bad considering the task...I was considering a DIY'er and came across your blog...I take this as divine intervention.

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  29. So, so, so glad I read your post! I fortunately searched DIY brazilian to research a woman's perspective on the whole experience - now I know. Frankly, could care less about the hair, but my new partner has other ideas... Strange, we are all adult women, not little girls, and I assume in this modern world, we all bathe and shower and upkeep ourselves beautifully... what is the obsession? It is such a huge expense! arghhhh! without my caring heart, i'd say, you pay for it sir, at $75 a shot every 5 to 6 weeks plus tip, not to mention all the other services I get done!!

    Brilliant piece of writing! I look forward to continue to read!!

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    Replies
    1. As Gwyneth Paltrow was reported to have said: "It changed my LIFE!" after her first Brazilian (done by a professional-ehem), I am confident that after you try one, you'll POSITIVELY know what the "obsession" is all about... Try it with sugar-waxing, however...far less painful.

      One more tip, albeit controversial: APPLY THE WAX (SUGAR OR OTHER) IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION of what 'they' tell you: *Apply AGAINST the direction of hair growth and pull ALONG WITH the direction of hair growth. EVEN FURTHER LESS PAINFUL! Fewer red bumps later, too.

      *Ancient, Egyptian secret ;)

      Don't forget to use a scrubby once the hairs start to grow back near the surface to avoid the in-grown-hair-itch-and-red-bump stage.

      Be adventurous ladies..."Try it, you'll like it"!

      Delete
    2. I second Anonymous, it's WAY less painful if you apply the wax (preferably sugar) against the hair and pull it in the direction of hair growth. Since I started doing that, I've been getting no ingrowns, something that used to be a big issue before. Also, no red bumps and no numbness.

      Delete
  30. I've actually given myself a home bikini wax 3 times because I found that it does get easier every time. Mostly because I have NO money (eh, college kid), but addicted to being smooth and hairless. Plus I've decided that I must not only be cheap, but a masochist. I would recommend the bikini wax to cutters as an alternative solution. god I'm insensitive.

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  31. LMAO you're awesome=) im about to give myself a home brazillian,and ive waxed everything else but there since i was 14..so i know its going to hurt..but desperate times call for desperate measures..and posibly some anasthesitc cream?u made me laugh,which i thank u for because i know for the rest of this morning im going to b crying.Help me God!

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  32. Never. A. Dull. Moment. I hope I'll give myself the same congratulations when I'm finished with my brazilian tonight!! Wish me luck!

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  33. I just gave myself a Brazilian last night...aside from the fact that getting ALL the wax off proves to be extremely hard...one must be a masochist to continue doing it. However...desperate times do call for desperate measures..and I most likely will never pay for it again...it wasnt AWFUL!!! and hopefully I will get better each time..


    suggestion to the brave...have the huge glass of wine PRIOR to waxing!!

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  34. I just gave myself a Brazilian last night...aside from the fact that getting ALL the wax off proves to be extremely hard...one must be a masochist to continue doing it. However...desperate times do call for desperate measures..and I most likely will never pay for it again...it wasnt AWFUL!!! and hopefully I will get better each time..


    suggestion to the brave...have the huge glass of wine PRIOR to waxing!!

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  35. hahahaha
    i took a break from brazilian waxing myself and i feel your pain right this second.
    i haven't even got halfway done and im thinking about giving it up.
    i hate this.

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  36. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  37. I tried waxing the front portion and apparently put too much on or my hair was too long, and I watched an entire 3 inch strip of my vahooey go PURPLE. Like, I watched the purple SWEEP across my womanness.

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  38. This is soooooo hilarious! I obviously found this post later than it was posted but you just saved my life! I love it. Soooooo hilarious! You are awesome and reminded me why I HAVE to go to a professional rather than try it at home to save money!

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  39. OMG. I just stumbled across this. I tried giving myself an at-homer earlier this year and I sat in the tub for an hour before I got all the wax off when I overenthusiastically applied some. Oh, it hurt. And I gave up halfway thru...only to realize the next day that I had an ob-gyn appt. that day. Nice! Fortunately my doctor laughed and said it happens more often that you would think.

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  40. Hahah, I love this article - hilarious! And especially since I was thisclose to trying to give myself a Brazilian at home.
    Don't worry - I'm calling the salon tomorrow and telling them I need an appt ASAP!

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  41. I absolutely loved this post when I read it a month ago. Well today, I was feeling a bit angry and thought what the heck I am going to do something drastic...not just bikini wax at home, but Brazilian with Homemade Sugar Wax. Off I went and found a neat-o recipe online..ok so it was for legs, it should work! 2 hours and a shot of tequila later (and minus some of my tenderest skin) I am smooth and satisfied that I will NEVER do it again!

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  42. Going through all these exact same thoughts because I'm so damn stupid I thought this was a good idea...HA!

    *Note to self: Tell my boyfriend to commit me if I ever even MENTION trying this again...

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  43. I did an at-home Brazilian, only I used a sugar mixture rather than wax. I feel like a douche for saying this, but I didn't feel much pain at all. What can I say, I've just got a ludicrously high pain tolerance. I'm planning on doing one again soon to tidy up before summer. Wonderfully humorous blog, by the way :D

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  44. Ouch.
    I am in the middle of this, taking a break and some pain meds. Low pain tolerance + self-waxing = NOT FUN.
    Poop.
    Ah well...I'll just go finish up.
    In a minute...

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  45. Use Veet if you don't go the way of the laser. It leaves you smooth and is much less painful than waxing.

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  46. hahah! that is the best waxing story I ahve ever read... I actually have went into panic mode once wondering if I was ever going to get that dam wax off! they should put a do not try this at home, BY ANYONE! label on these Brazilian Waxing boxes! I just about died reading this cause I could imagine myself calling my friend, "Elizabeth..." "What have you done now Crystal?" " I think I will be a virgen forever!"

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  47. I'm halfway through giving myself a DIY Hollywood wax! I'm using Veet strips, and i'm in between being able to feel pain and being numb! I've decided to rest for a few hours before doing the other half... I'm gonna get through this! I've had it up to HERE with shaving, so its all gotta be yanked out by the root whether it likes it or not!

    I think its time to bring out the Ibuprofen and Jagermeister!

    High five to all you other boneheaded women brave/stupid enough to attempt a DIY Hollywood wax... owwwwwww....

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  48. This was hilarious! I got a BW religiously every 4 weeks with my first baby, as they say you heal faster down there when hairless! and then... I moved to another state and went the last two months as if I had never had one before!! If you have never had one while pregnant... really think about it! it hurts a lot more then. you are much more sensitive there... I am expecting again now and have decided in order to spare myself the pain of doing it every four weeks throughout the pregnancy, I will do it only once, two weeks before my due date, and that's it... I see it as preparation for the hell of pain I will be feeling anyway!

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  49. Wow. I did my own bikini wax right when I turned 18 and it was easy and fine. Did it hurt? YES! Did I cry? Heh no. Maybe I'm just BA.

    If you get a sugary sort of wax it's a lot easier to get off. Just wash it off with warm water afterward.

    You can even make some kind of sugar caramel thing at home and us that, but I haven't tried it yet, so I'm going to stick with my 'chocolate' wax (no, you can't eat it).

    Thanks for the post! It was somewhat funny, though untrue for me. I feel bad for you women!

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  50. sooooo. I am taking a break from my Sally Hansen brazilian self wax.... your post and the pain of this remind me why i should just pay, its so much faster in the salon and no more than two inches at a time is a tiny space to work with!!! But I am extremely proud of myself at the same time.... i was planning to finish this tomorrow, but i'm motviated to try and finish it tonight

    and only $10.99... maybe I can endure this every 4-6 weeks.

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  51. I wish I would have read this BEFORE I waxed myself!!!! I couldn't get through the whole brazillian wax but I am damn proud of my nice and smooth bikini wax job :) My redish purple bruises however are not so pretty!! OOOOPPPPPPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - I think I will do it again though, it's not that bad!

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  52. Ahh, hilarious - I found your post on Google because I was thinking of doing it myself, but not now! I've never had a Brazilian wax - I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go and have it done, but don't really fancy the agony and having to flash my fanny at some random woman...

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  53. I just woke my husband up, reading this because I was laughing so hard.

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  54. Haha this is amazing! I'm so glad to hear that I'm not alone! I've tried this several times and this is ALWAYS the outcome! Damn!

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  55. thank you very much for this blog
    here is a blog about women health
    tubal reversal issues related to vagina and pregnancy
    http://www.mybabydoc.com/blog/
    tubal reversal

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  56. Haha I loved this! Mainly bc we all know things are so much funnier when you have experienced them yourself. My story sounds very similar with the addition of begging my boyfriend to help then breaking up with him when he did and even a little blood. I would rather be cavewoman
    chic than ever go on that adventure again. Thanks for sharing your hilarious story that let me know that I am nor alone!!

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  57. jess is about to make a mess2/09/2010 12:29 AM

    wow!!! Its great to know what im looking forward to tomorrow. I was browsing Google for any last minute tips for DIY -ers. I have to say this was hilarious to read. I have had a friend who at the time had just finished school and was working at a salon try to "practice" on me I was more than happy to give it a go when things went horribly wrong. I'll just say steps were skipped and the results ended up with her boss SCRUBBING my lady parts with acetone. Traumatizing and there for I feel like I have been through worse and that if I can survive that mess I might as well do it myself... if that doesn't work I'm moving on to laser... thank you so much for your wonderful insight and entertainment at the same time. I can't wait to share this blog with my girls at work they'll LOVE this!!!!!!

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  58. Dust with body powder first. It keeps the wax from sticking to your skin. The majority of the pain one feels is from the skin being ripped at. The hair coming out stings but hurts minimally with the use of the powder. Waxing at home using this prior to application hurt less than the professional wax I had done with the esthetician known for painless waxes-my @$$.

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  59. LOL! That was sooo funny! I swear this is what it was like for me last week when I tried this - but put my friend in place of the boyfriend! Funny thing is, for some strange reason, i'm looking forward to doing it again! Sucker for punishment?? Mayyyybeeee...

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  60. hi..i believe i have done a more hurtfull thing..i gave myself a '' waxing'' with the epilator device..yes, down there..littke patch by little patch... very hurtfull..i will try a sugar waxing next..hope not to hurt that bad..

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  61. hi..i believe i have done a more hurtfull thing..i gave myself a '' waxing'' with the epilator device..yes, down there..littke patch by little patch... very hurtfull..i will try a sugar waxing next..hope not to hurt that bad..

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  62. Bahhhahaha... I just tried to wax myself the other day and got about halfway through and then just shaved the rest. So the stubble's just growing back in a few weird patches and it's totally bizzare!

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  63. Haha. This was hilarious (albeit painful-sounding for you)! I've gotten a BW before, just 2 weeks after giving birth to my first baby, so it seemed like pretty small potatoes at the time. However, now, being a mother, I have NO money to get one professionally done, so I will attempt to do it myself tonight. Sally Hansen, prepare to meet your maker! Bwahahaha!

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  64. I just came across this as I was searching for any clues about the best home brazilian wax kit. I am convinced just to save myself the trouble and make the appointment with my professional. Hilarious AND educational! Thank you!

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  65. my boyfriend read this to me as i attempted a wax. thankyou for the laughs! they helped me get through the torment

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  66. That was one good laugh! My sisters were really like crazy and shaking. Anyway thank you for this, shall I say, educational post :) Thanks a lot and more power!

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  67. Haaaha! This scenario goes throught my head every time I BW at home. Being a 7 year veteran a tiny bit of advice...little patches, and use baby powder so it doesn't pull your skin off (ouch)! Have this happen in um, a very sensitive spot and trust me it is NOT fun. Also, some olive oil and a little tea tree removes the wax still sticking on and calms any redness. Ooh for the day when I can afford laser removal, or hair becomes the "in" thing-not.

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  68. Oh my god. Did my first at-home brazilian last night and HOLY SHIT this is exactly--EXACTLY--what it was like. Literally couldn't breathe I was laughing so hard.

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  69. That was the funniest thing I have read in a loooong time! I had tears coming from my eyes :) thanks

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  70. You are one funny girl! Laughed so hard I had to go pee before I had an accident. Funniest thing I have read in forever! Funnier still that I just had a wax done yesterday... feels great :)

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  71. I should have read this before I used a DIY brazilian kit... haha. I laughed out loud. I managed to successfully give myself a brazilian. Though a bit of blood and tears were shed.

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  72. HAHAHA. This EXACT same thing happened to me today-- I used the same kit, had the same pitfalls and everything! Only difference is that I quit after the bikini portion-- I was too much of a wuss to stand the pain of cleaning the undercarriage. But now I realize how much more sense it makes to start from the BACK... so I'm going out for wine and baby powder and I'm going to try and finish it. So in short, this blog was amusing AND pointed me in the right direction for finishing the job...

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  73. Hmmmm! Here I go, hoping that I too can be a BA! I know it's going to hurt, but I've had my first glass of wine. I've got baby powder and some numbing antiseptic. OMG am I really going to do this???? I always knew I am crazy!

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  74. This is the most honest thing I've read in a long time.

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  75. Ahahah! This was hilarious! I've been waxing myself down there for months now. I haven't reached a full brazillian yet, but every time I do it, I take out a bit more hair than the previous time (can't take all the pain at once! But the bits I've done before dn't really hurt anymore, so it's all good)

    In a month or two I'll have a complete brazillian, without spending hundreds of pounds! (The one tub of wax I bought is still 1/3 full)

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  76. I am really thankful to you for the information you have provided. You are helping others to grow their knowledge by sharing such a valuable information you have. This post is amazing & I'm glad for it.

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  77. I read this after I did my brazilian wax on my own. Having a big glass of wine right now, thinking to myself why on earth did I get so bored and thought I would be amused getting myself a wax. It didnt hurt at all, actually better than when my waxer does it, but 1,5 hrs and my bathroom floor and my hands etc still sticky from the wax....aggrhhh this will get me through the pain next time I visit my waxer.

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  78. I bought an at home kit, but has not used it yet, i don;t think i have the nerve to go through with it, i think i'll continue to wax bymy aesthician, should i use my hussie as a gineau pig?

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  79. The procedure is virtually painless. Some patients have mild discomfort and take pain medication, but compared to other methods, laser hair removal involves less pain.

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  80. Every woman has right to dream of having a baby. Tubal reversal allows a woman the ability to conceive naturally without any harm. Although tubal ligation is considered a permanent method of birth control, but at some later stage you think that you have done something wrong and you should not have done tubal ligation. But don’t worry, in approximately 90% of cases the procedure can be reversed.

    ReplyDelete
  81. Every woman has the right to dream of a child. Tubal reversal allows a woman's ability to conceive naturally without any harm. Although tubal ligation is considered a permanent method of contraception, but then you think you're doing something wrong and you should not have a tubal ligation. But do not worry, about 90% of cases, the procedure can be reversed.

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  82. ahahahahahahaha omg your hillarious...thanks for the heads up!!

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  83. information well and good ... I like your way of thinking.
    Thanks for sharing

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  85. This was HILARIOUS! I was just contemplating a DIY wax but now I'm not so sure. It's been about 5 years since I've tried DIY - which is just about the right amount of time to forget the pain - but now it's all coming flooding back!

    LOVED this article - literally had tears rolling down my face. My fiancee thought I was nuts so I read it to him. Don't think he thought it was as funny but all my girlfriends will when I send it to them! Keep up the great work ;)

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  86. Wow! Thanks for the tips! I've been looking for tips on waxing myself at home, and I'll try this on my next rest day. I'm prepared for the pain both physically and mentally. You're also right about that Brazilian wax should be done with professionals or it might lead undesirable results later on.

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  87. You have made me laugh and cry! This is your first blog I've ever read and many months after u wrote it but I will follow u after this treat! Thank you, I will keep my appointment here I NYC and pay $110 all together to have some one else do the work...thanks a bunch!

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  88. nice blog and amazing information and attractive..
    i am feeling well to be here..
    keep sharing good things with friends..
    Thanks for sharing..

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  91. Its really a good read for me....I want to share here a memorable day.its my lovely day when i was 7 year old and my mom organize a birthday party...she gets kids birthday party ideas from kidsfairyland.com/

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  92. oh so good... but I've still got to do it :(

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  93. EXACT same thing I go through when I wax! Particularly the awkward positioning and the holy crap I've been doing this for what seems like all day! So funny and so accurate :) I was just out perusing for tips after a long hiatus from ripping out as much hair as I could find on my body. I've actually plucked ALL the hairs out of my armpits before...I think that makes me insane, but it worked really well.

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  94. Very funny...I has been there a few times, but finally I mastered the art of give my self a full brazilian...And you are right about Sally Hansen is the best product in the market...Note that I wax my self not because I want save money, is because I hate all the akward positions and the desaproval face "Ninneta" gave to me everytime, no mater if was 2 weeks or 2 months since my last wax sesion...and was not reserve from her to tell me how coarse and difficult my pubics are...so I start thinking why I should pay to be tortured and humilliated every time? answer...DIY!!! and with all the mone y saved I drink champagne after grooming my beaver...

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  95. Great tips that I will definitely try out

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  96. Laser hair removal is an effective treatment for ingrown hairs. No more irritating skin and red bumps caused by those nasty ingrown hairs.

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  97. thanks for that great tips.....:)

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  98. One of the more impressive blogs Ive seen. Thanks so much for keeping the internet classy for a change. You've got style, class, bravado. I mean it. Please keep it up because without the internet is definitely lacking in intelligence.

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  99. That. Was. Awesome. And so true.

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  100. I laughed SO HARD at this. This was the first result that came up when I looked up "self brazilian wax" - and it's the last I will read, because now I have been warned!

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  101. You won't believe this, but this was actually the first suggestion that popped up in a legitimate Google search for instructions on how to do a good, at-home Brazilian. The box of Sally Hansen wax is sitting in my bathroom at this very moment, unopened. Because of this terrifying [and utterly hilarious] article, that wax will never touch my lady parts. Thank you for saving me the pain!

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  102. Im going to do it, I already plucked my bikini line with tweezers.. I have a date tonight, lmfao...hopefully I don't destroy anything!

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  103. Now I'm utterly confused. I decide I'm going to do this because I've tried shaving before..DON'T. DO. IT. But so many people have different opinions and comments on the topic I don't know what to do now...crap. This was supposed to be a christmas present to my sweetie with edible underwear and me wrapped in a big red bow. And as I'm sitting here on christmas eve I remember I'm still on my period and only HALF WAY THROUGH! How could I forget that?! Guess I got caught up in the whole idea. Still don't know what I'll be doing...guess I have time to figure it out considering...

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  104. LOL! Thanks for that! :D

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  105. Every word is true! I have stupidly done this 3 times and you forget the pain until you are at the stage where you are half way through and there is no going back. I cried with laughter reading your blog. Excellent :0)

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  106. this is EXACTLY what happened to me last night using the same stuff. i was laughing so hard. will never do this again...my first and last time. :) thanks for the humor!

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  107. End up spending about $10 everytime...it just adds up
    forget about this...LASER is soooo worth it

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  108. I thinks that's really Nice post, I am sure to come bach again in future ...

    women clothing manufacturers

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  109. I was just thinking perhaps I'd just wax at home. Never mind. I almost woke up the baby laughing!

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  110. Well, hello from South Africa. I am halfway through a home Brazilian (yes, I started last night and could not continue) and was Googling "How to do a home brazilian", hoping for tips on how to complete the job. Instead, I found this. Brilliant. Think I will just hide from my husband for the next few weeks and then go back to the salon with (and I shudder to use this saying here) my tail between my legs. :-)

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  111. I like the lady before my post, was googling to do an at home brazilian.
    Tired of scavenging the net for reputable places, and mainly for a price I comfortably afford on a regular!

    I was trying to eat my breakfast, at 2:00pm and could barely get it down for crackin up!
    Especially: ".. you don't know what you were doing wrong last time you tried this with a more expensive product, because that time you didn't even make it beyond the basic bikini line." OMG you were spying on me!

    Surprisingly im considering this again... maybe a different product and some sally's numbing spray? ... this blog definitely makes me consider forking out the "fee" for a much happier Vee-..jayjay!
    great blog !! Cheers!

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  112. LOL this is damn hilarious ... i was about to go buy it and do it at home and now i think i will just pay them the damn money and get it done ... cuz i will cry if i do it myself.. prolly will cry when some one else does it!

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  113. Oh my god that was one of the funniest things I've ever read! And so incredibly accurate! Thank you for making my day, although sorry for the traumatic experience!

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  114. Oh before reading this I used a DIY brazilian kit... haha. I laughed out loud. I managed to successfully give myself a brazilian.
    bikini wax

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  115. Well...maybe I won't try it. I've been shaving for years...well let me rephrase, my husband shaves me because it's just easier LOL and it's also rather relaxing and kinda forplayish since he likes doing it. But I was thinking of trying to wax myself so I don't have to bother with it for awhile. So in my research to find the best types of at home waxes for such a task, I found your little blog and have decided to just continue the weekly routine of little my husband take care of it. Thanks a ton...and sorry as well. :) LOL

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  116. I know this entry is old...but after just googling "best wax for home brazilian," I found it. I'm halfway between laughing with you and wincing in pain (for you) because I'm still sore after finally finishing my own DIY job!! By finally, I mean it took me 2 days. And then only because my husband was like..."you really can't leave it like that..." I mean, what the hell happened to the ol saying "who cares about the fairway, we're just trying to get to the green" ?! (btw, I used surgi-wax (a hard wax) and I'd had it done profesionally before. just not in awhile. sweet mother of god)

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  117. Good writing? Please. Rude? I think not, just being honest, but feel free to delete and write this off as rudeness.

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  118. Dang girl - you just need some practice! The first time I gave myself a Brazilian wasn't FUN, but it was definitely not as bad as what you are depicting. It only took me about an hour the first time, and now I can do it in about 45 minutes or less.
    I recommend using SUGAR instead of wax. It's better for your skin and you can make it at home!! Use some baby powder on your skin before you wax as it'll make the wax stick better and come off cleaner.
    Good luck!

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  119. Found this article after a bit of googling!! Just attempted a botched Manzillian using Sugar Wax... like got my back waxed today and was thinking its not that hard to diy.. Made up the sugar wax and proceeded to try and tear a 6 inch patch.. yeah there was a little bit of bleeding and a few hours later i have the baby poweder and going to try again on a 1 inch patch at most :-p wish me luck lol

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    1. I made my own sugar wax too lol It's like torturing yourself o_O!

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  120. Haha... just did this today, and couldn't agree more with the last paragraph. I'll gladly go back to paying someone else to torture me faster than I can torture myself. Well written!

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  121. I've had professional Brazilian waxes that left me bleeding, so I figured how much worse could I do? It's been long enough ago since I diy'd it that the amnesia of idiocy has set in (that ignorant little voice that tells us, "Oh, that wasn't so bad. I could *insert refried stupidity here* again") I'm thinking of trying it again. What I do remember was that it took for freaking ever, the wax I spilled on the tile was a bitch to clean up, and the hair seemed to grow back a few hours later. I've been plucking every few days, but that doesn't reach the weeds way down in the canyon. So for now, I look like I have an Amish wax: beard but no moustache.

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  122. I am both a professional waxing goddess and a self waxer.... I can tell you it has nothing to do with training and everything to do with location.... It hurts far less when you don't know the pain is coming. LOL. I got the biggest giggle out of your blog...

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  123. First I must say, I laughed so hard reading this my face was wet with tears. Even the comments are hilarious. This has me thanking God I have almost hairless skin. Nair (although it burns a little and it stinks to high heaven) seems to work well for me. As for my 'vajayjay' or 'vahooey' as another one put it..I will continue to shave. Pain and I are not friends.

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  124. This post is beyond true. I was cracking up because this is almost exactly the process I go through every time (I still do my own)....I try to hold off on my drink until the end but sometimes I have to take a shot to build up my determination...

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  125. I think this is very funny as I have tried doing this to myself once before, only to go to a professional years upon years later. Another thing its funny to think about if this is the same process you have been going through every year to do it. I have considered trying to do this when my head hurts really bad, just so it seems that my head doesn't hurt so much anymore just my vajayjay hurts waaaaay more. Maybe not a good idea. lol.

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  126. i have an appointment at my regular spot tomorrow. i, uh, had something unexpected come up for this evening. sunday evening, minor emergency. like everyone else, i googled for help and landed here. i feel like attempting this myself for the second time in about a decade is just about as likely to work as going somewhere new/random out there in the big bad city. so here i go, foolishly trying for results that only the well-compensated (deservingly so) professionals can achieve. brave (and stupid). wish me luck...

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  127. OOOOoooo girl I just did probably a third and I already know to go to someone next time I'm only 17 but I just don't like hair down there so.... I thought I would give waxing a try. -_- No mas haha. Wish me luck in finishing the rest...

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  128. that was me who posted on 1/6/2013. i would like to proudly announce that i may be the only person on the interwebs that will admit to having successfully done her own brazilian. and it wasn't that bad. i was stunned that it worked given how much negative press i read online. okay, so here are my disclaimers: 1) i've had brazilians done by very competent, swift, thorough women my whole adult life 2) i pay attention to what they're using and how they do things 3) i DID pick up some tips online that were helpful for self-waxing 4) i'm asian, so perhaps things are a little more sparse down south--not sure 5) i'm insanely flexible, thus reaching the nether regions was not an issue 6) i'm not squeamish and have a good threshold for pain. all that said, here's what i used: a) gigi wax w/ plug in warmer and muslin strips--basic kit from sally beauty supply b) baby powder c) gigi wax cleanup gel stuff. and i think the most helpful thing i found, probably on this set of comments: spread the wax AGAINST the direction of growth, then pull the muslin WITH the direction of hair growth. i worked in exceedingly small areas, wiped first with rubbing alcohol--drying, then thin layer of baby powder followed by a thin amount of wax on a small area. oh, it took forever. easily 90 minutes. and, i did squat over an old full length mirror that i put on the floor. it was not a pretty sight--at all! but, i made it through without a glass of wine or sedatives and truly was very happy with the results. side note: i will return to the competent hands of the girl at the waxing salon. she's waaaaaaay better at it than me and way way faster. but, if ever stranded like i was last week i know it can be done.

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  129. I have also tried waxing myself at home. Although I didnt finish it all in the one night, I had to give myself a night off before I continued it was so painful.
    But in all honesty it really does get less painfull the more you do it. It doesnt hurt near as much as it did the first time I tried.

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  130. You are hilarious! This was helpful and entertaining to read hahaha

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  131. Wow! This is thee funniest self mutilation horror story ever. Omfg still laughing... But my only contribution to this masterpiece is that Aloe vera is key to the aftermath ;)

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I never replied to that, but can now attest to its efficacy. Against the hair (as long as the hair isn't long) is slightly less painful.

      But I still evangelize for a post-wax chaser that's at least 40% alcohol by volume.

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  132. I am about to attempt this on Friday and this made me laugh so hard. I swear you are Katie Aselton hiding behind a blog, "Hubris, gets you every time."

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  133. Cracking up! This is great. I tried the razor. I have to say, that I don't like the idea of a razor near my Vajayjay!!! I have written all of the tips down--wax against the grain, pull with the grain, use baby powder and drink lots of alcohol, Sugar is better than wax, and aloe vera post strip. Thanks for the education. Praying for good results!

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  134. Great article! I too am an at home Brazilian waxer! Took several attempts to get the hang of it, but now I do it like nothing. Tricks I do:
    -I Have a warm shower.
    -I take an ibuprofen about half an hour before.
    -I sprinkle baby powder to remove any oils so the wax doesn't stick to my skin.
    -and for clean up, I keep a bottle of cooking oil...gets the wax off you, your hands, vanity, floor, faucet, and anywhere else that you can't seem to figure out how it got there!
    I've never had a pro one done, but my at home ones only take me about a half hour to forty-five minutes now. Starting out it took MUCH longer!!!

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  135. hahahahaha omg, I am so glad this article exists and comes up when I google how to do it myself....I too have made the very bad decision of buying a sally hanson diy box and a bottle of wine and expect it to be easy... LOL....yeah, not only were the hairs not coming off but the wax wasn't coming off either....and then every time I got up to reheat the wax in the microwave I managed to get wax all over the microwave and then all over my bathroom......I will say the tiny bottle of the oil stuff they give you in those boxes is NOT enough to clean the mess that you will make.... I totally realized after not just 1, but 2 times of submitting myself to the stress and hours of cleaning, that it was well worth me going back to my favorite waxer ever, Rita, and paying 50 bucks to be outta there in 15 minutes looking flawless without having to scrub my microwave all day...

    anyways, I've now moves to a different state and am really considering trying it on my own again... as one of the other girls said, I am flexible, so I wont have problem reaching anything, and the pain doesn't bother me.....I just hate the wax and the mess that comes with it....im curious???when you guys talk about sugar waxes, what exactly are they??..... also I feel like if I could just buy one of those was heaters that you plug into the wall that it would make it a lot easier.....I know I should just probably find a new salon and suck up the money, but I really wanna learn how to do it myself....I guess its kind of a pride thing, but I really wanna get good at at it lol.....the person who posted above me I love that you said you kept at it and it got easier and faster...that's exactly what i'd love to happen....any advice on waxes or wax warmers i'd love to know! hahahha

    love this forun

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  136. Wow, I laughed so hard I cried! Thanks for the great info! I use Parissa Sugar Wax and I love it! It's really easy to use and if it gets anywhere you don't want it, it comes off with water. I have not attempted a brazilian yet, but if I do I'll let you know how it goes =0)

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  137. Thanks love this article

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  138. I love the article I laughed so loud while I was reading it. I gotta say I've been doing my waxing at home for years now, it was only painful the first couple of times, I my very pleased with the results so far.

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  139. I read this when tossing up DIY or texting the salon. I text. Thank you for keeping me intact ;-)

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  140. This made me laugh so hard!! omgee I did this but I was drunk and only had a shaver on hand. It came out good to my buzzed thoughts. But the next day I found it to be sloppy and kind of crooked. I'm hoping that when I drink and decide to wax it, it will be cleaner. :)

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  142. my boyfriend is still not sure I should try this!!!! has anyone got photo's of before and after??? bobandwaves@gmail.com

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  143. Thank you for writing a great blog but can you write some thing about laser academy and spa.

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  144. I genuinely loved this brilliant article. Please continue this awesome work. Thumbs up, and keep it going!

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  145. Amazing! I love this blog and laughed so hard because I know all these steps all too well

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  146. Loved this! I've never had one professionally done, and never will. just too embarassed. but after a shaving accident gone wrong (super painful red bumps, not even a close shave with new razor), I'm thinking of trying it out on my own. bought some wax online. now just need the courage to do it when it comes in the mail!

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  147. I hadn't laughed this hard in a looong time. I'm about to go give myself my first brazilian and this was just what I needed to relax. You're hilarious and I'm gonna check out the rest of your blog. Cheers!

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